What I really want…

As some of you know I have a tattoo. Yep, that’s right Jon Lillie has a tattoo!!!! It is a custom design, a celtic cross with tribal flames coming out the sides. It sits on my left arm, about half way up between the elbow and shoulder.

So by now you must be realizing what it is that I really want… I want another tattoo!!! I’m thinking of a half sleave or my entire shoulder on my right side. But the issue comes up as to what to get.  I’m thinking of a tribute to my grandfather who died in June, a war veteran, and a man whom I will never forget.  So far I have an idea of a flag at half mast, with his name and the date of his birth/death. But beyond that I am a little lost as that will not take up very much space I think.  I want one that is reverent, and meaningful to me.

Some of you may be thinking, “where did this come from?” It isn’t a new thought or want, I have wanted a second one since the day I got my first one. They are that addicting.  But the cost, lack of know exactly what I want, and the lack of know a quality artist I can trust to be healthy and safe when it comes to putting something permanently on my body. Yes, getting a tattoo can be dangerous… infection, disease, and the like is possible. That is why it is good know who your artist is and that they can be trusted to do what you have asked of them.

If you guys have any ideas please feel free to post them… and “do not get one” is not acceptable, sorry.

25 Things That Scare Me

This is a variation on the 25 random things you always see on Facebook. I thought it would be cool to do a completely random thing and come up with a new 25 things… post.   These are in no particular order, just how I thought of them.

  1. The dark
  2. Snakes
  3. Heights
  4. Drowning
  5. Deep water
  6. Being alone for another holiday season
  7. Rejection
  8. Being stuck in a life I don’t want
  9. Hell
  10. Dieing and not having anyone at my funeral
  11. Being eaten alive
  12. Finding out everything I know is a lie
  13. Planning a party and no one showing up (this actually happened once)
  14. Having my birthday forgotten (also happened once)
  15. Running out of gas in the middle of no where
  16. Finding myself homeless
  17. Losing someone’s respect
  18. Making a bad first impression
  19. Failing at life
  20. Living the movie Open Water (but I’m still a certified open water diver)
  21. Flying
  22. Dieing of a Heart Attack before I’m 30
  23. Not getting to see all that I want to see of this world
  24. Still living at home when I’m 30
  25. Losing my job

There are 25 honest things that scare me or cause me to pause in my day, and lead me towards certain decisions and away from others.

Today was a strange day…

I was planning on getting up at 9:30 and mow the lawn, maybe do some dishes, but I finally rolled out of bed at 11:45.  Had a haircut an hour later so that killed any idea of starting the day with chores.  I got to my haircut on time, and prepared to have some fun. I love my stylist, name is kate, does good work. I had decided on some color earlier in the week, but as I normally like to do some funky stuff with my hair these days I left it up to her as to what color. Oh, Boy!!! I ended up with more red than brown in what I was told was an auburn, I’m hoping some washes out tomorrow, but we will see.  Got home, and finally got some chores done.  Payed my dad the final 400 bucks for a computer I bought (with my parents help) back in February. Ordered some pizza and sat down to enjoy a movie at home by myself. NOTHING WAS ON THOUGH!!! and so I found myself sitting on a couch with half a bottle of wine gone watching NCIS, and eating hot wings from papa johns, woot. What a night, lol.

Now as I wright this I’m listening to one of the best songs I have heard in a long time, In Color by Jamey Johnson. It ROCKS!!!

Unsure what to title this as…

Hey guys, I don’t know if anyone looks at this thing, or if I am just writing to write.  I read these posts over the last few months (there aren’t many), and I wonder why I am always writing about the bad and never the good.  I do have some good in my life… I have some friends, even if we don’t hang as much as I would like. I have a roof over my head, a car that runs, money in my bank account (although not much), and I have clothes on my back. So I have to ask myself why am I starting to shed tears while writing this?  Why do I feel like I am alone in this world? I have a loving God that is always here, with me, when I need Him, and when I feel I don’t!!! So, why?

Having never been in a serious relationship (I’m 26, what the hell). I wonder what it feels like…  is it as painful as feeling like your going to be sick one sec, then as joyful as hanging on every word? I know I don’t know, but I wish, wonder, and hope.

I look around at my friends, 2 of them are married, 1 is in, what I would call, a serious relationship, and the rest are well, just going through life.  I see how happy they are and I wonder why am I not that way?  I wonder why… Why do I always seem to look at the dark side? why do I always feel alone? why am I 26 and still living at home?

It is a strange feeling, I guess one may diagnose me as depressed, maybe severely.  But I get up in the mornings, I get dressed, take a shower (not in that order of course), and I feel things around me. I notice those around me, and I wonder what they are thinking.  I wonder if they are feeling the same as I am. In this day of digital domains, cell phones, laptops, social networks, and Google are we losing our ability to communicate with those around us? To interact with them on a personal level?

I use the term relationship a lot, or at least I think I do.  And I wonder have we lost the true meaning of that word, that lone word that can define so many of us? Everyone from your son or daughter, to the goth girl serving coffee at the local Starbucks shares a relationship with you.  Wither that is on a personal level or not, it is there. So I leave you tonight, not with my dive into my psyche, but a question… how do you view your relationships?